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BE PREPARED
A bank robber went up to the cashier of a bank in Oregon, USA,
and pushed a note across the counter. It read: 'This is a hold-up and I've got
a gun. Put all the money in a paper bag.'
The cashier read the note and then wrote on it, 'I don't have a paper bag.'
The confused robber fled as quickly as he could, probably vowing to take a plastic
bag with him next time.
OPERA HANG-UP
In 1956, the opera singer, Hans Hotter, strode on to the stage of
the Royal Opera House, London, during Act Three of Die Walkure. He was greeted by
roars of laughter. He had been in such a rush to put on his cloak, he had not
noticed the coat hanger sticking out of his collar!
WHERE'S THE MATCH
In 1983, 50 fans of the Scottish football team, Celtic, travelled
to germany to watch their team play in Nuremburg. After 1000 miles of travel, they
eagerly pushed their way through the stadium turnstiles and went into an athletics
meeting! Celtic were playing against Nuremburg - but 200 miles away in Konstanz!
HEAD START
As a jumbo jet was taxiing towards it's take-off runway at Heathrow
Airport one day in December, 1986, one of the passengers decided to open his overhead
locker. A bottle of whiskey fell out and landed on the head of another passenger.
The jet had to turn back so a nurse could be brought on board, and the plane was
delayed for two hours.
ON THE TILES
Ray Strank was pleased with the roof tiling he finished on 27th
November, 1984. He had spent two days on the job in Wimbledon, London, and was
very happy with the result. But his boss, brother Gordon, was furious when he saw
it........Ray had tiled the wrong house!
The lady in the house, who had been supplying tea for Ray whilst the work was
being done, was just as embarrassed as he was. She had assumed that her husband
had ordered the work to be done!
DESIGN FAULT
A new factory at Warrington in England had been voted a design award
for excellence. The Royal Institute of British Architects was to make a special
presentation of the award. However, the judges changed their minds when part of
the roof collapsed!
CAR CLIMBER
When American scientists tested their new, driverless car in 1985,
things did not go as well as planned. The six-wheeled vehicle, called the Terregator,
was designed to use computerized cameras to scan the road ahead and then
automatically go in the correct direction. Unfortunately, there had been
some miscalculation by the scientists of the Robotics Institute in Pittsburgh.
The vehicle was tested along a wooden path. All went well until the bends
became a little sharper. The car veered off the track and ended up by trying
to climb up a tree!
THIEF WHO TALKED TOO MUCH
During a burglary in 1980, robber, John Yianni, narrowly
escaped being caught. Afterwards, he telephoned his flat where a friend
was waiting to hear from him, and described what had happened.
'Why don't you come around and tell me about it?' said his friend. Yianni
went to the flat and was promptly arrested. It was not his friend to whom
he had been talking. It was a policeman.
FIRE HAZARD
Someone slipped up in Clairton, Pennsylvania USA
when it was decided to buy a sleek 13 metre (43 foot) long fire engine
for the town. It was so long it could not be used on most of the town's
narrow streets. Embarrassed town officials had to return the new fire engine
and exchange it for two smaller models.
NAMED IN ERROR
In the early 1950's a woman was asked to launch a yacht
in Bermuda. Twice she tried to break a bottle of champagne against it's bows
but both times she failed.
The boat slid down the slipway as the woman cried, 'Oh, I can't.'
The yacht was therefore named Oh I cant!
MARATHON MADNESS
A family in Manchester decided, one Sunday, to go out for lunch.
But as they drove into Manchester they got boxed in by official cars in a
marathon race. There was absolutely no way out and they ended up having to
drive the complete 26-mile marathon course before they could finally escape
to a late lunch!
SWALLOW THAT!
Bob Arneill had not visited a dentist for 15 years,
but a painful tooth eventually forced him to go in 1985.
It was not long, before he wished he had not bothered. The dentist
looked into his mouth and accidently dropped a 4-centimetre (1 1/2-inch)
long dental instrument into Bob's mouth.
Unfortunately Bob swallowed it and had to be rushed to hospital.
Still more to come... :))
